I'm not excited any more, Lovely Lorie relayed the MRI count - 180 cysts on the right kidney and 220 on the left (my original ultrasound only spoke of "multiple" cysts, one the size of an orange). Plenty to qualify for the Tolvaptan study, hard to hear. I really wanted Lovely to tell me that mistakes had been made! That the cysts were on the outside of my gems, not inside. Instead I got numbers. And when asked, Lovely in her most professional and compassionate voice replied, "There were several participants in this Tempo study with many more cysts than that......" I'm sure she was lying. IT WAS HARD TO HEAR.
It took two years and I'm in. As the risks and reality of participating in a three and a half year clinical trial materialized before me, I got grumpy. I even had to yell at my kids (we no longer have a cat so I has nothing to kick). I suppose that facing one's demons is like grieving. Individuals are just that, reacting differently to facts, diagnosis, numbers. My bravado has deflated and I'm terrified. Maybe it isn't bravado but an inexplicable knack for plunging in and waking up later. I woke up grumpy. And then I remembered that I'm not supposed to drink caffeine, so now I'm even grumpier. On top of that, if I'm not careful I could have a really, really long hangover.......
Enough, I'll be fine.
I'm in.
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2 comments:
Well, at least it's an even 400. :(
Glad you're in, but wish you didn't have to be.
People should read this.
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